Continuing with the theme of managing overwhelm, this week, I want to share another idea that can reduce stress when you’re feeling overloaded: looking for commonality.
Last week, I talked about the importance of adopting a paradox mindset. This is the ability to hold two opposing truths at once, for example, that things can be difficult and getting better. That wider frame helps us find calm, agency and perspective when the news cycle and daily demands feel relentless.
By layering on this second practise, a focus on commonality, I believe our relationships and experience of life will dramatically improve.
Celebrating Difference Alongside Commonality
I used to visit schools as a diversity role model to share my story of coming out as gay, and the lessons it taught me. I left students with this message: Look for the similarities between you, not the differences.
Imagine if that mindset expanded beyond the classroom to the school, the neighbourhood, the city, the world. When things feel increasingly polarising, consciously searching for common ground changes the tone of conversations and the quality of our relationships with other people, with nature, with our planet, and across borders.
Here’s the paradox at the heart of it, we want to celebrate difference – in identity, culture, perspective – whilst also actively seeking commonalities that bring us together. Both can (and should) coexist. That’s where respect grows, trust deepens, and collaboration gets easier.
Three Ways To Find Commonality
Connection regulates the nervous system. When we feel part of something, overwhelm eases and energy, mood and motivation recover.
In teams, shared ground can create psychological safety, which is the foundation for healthy challenge, better ideas and improved performance.
Here’s three ways to find commonality:
- Start with a shared ‘why’: If a discussion becomes tense, bring it back to the mutual goal: “We both want this project to succeed…” Common purpose softens edges.
- Ask the bridge question: Ask “what’s one thing we already agree on?” or “where do our views overlap?” and build the discussion from there.
- Pair difference with likeness: When highlighting a difference, follow it with a likeness: “We approach it differently, and we both care about the outcome.”
Hold the Paradox Mindset
Life will always offer contradictions, your job is to stay open enough to hold them: difference and similarity, challenge and progress, effort and recovery. That paradox mindset reduces overwhelm and increases our capacity to show up well, for ourselves and each other.
If you’re exploring how to build connection and resilience in your organisation, my keynotes dive deeper into paradox thinking, community, and practical habits that sustain performance without burn out.
